WHAT A NIGHT!

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We stayed outside Boston somewhere. I woke up a little hung over. Cage woke up feeling sick. We jump in the rickety van and head out to Providence, RI. Meet in the lobby sans Sean but now we have Deefy, who jumped in the van in Boston, while Sean jumped out to ride with his girl for the remainder of the trip. Good thing because shit was getting really REL and we were seeing signs of the infamous Meltdown Martin in the last couple days. Timmy pulls over because he see’s a sign for a Picadilly’s Pub and Todd is like what the fuck is that? Timmy goes “Goot Fout Tot.” And we just kept saying that the whole time after. “Goot Fout Tot” We circle around to find it and when we do we do, it’s on because we are fucking starrvinggg. We all order. The food comes out and when Cage’s steak is placed in front of him, it’s covered in mushrooms actually looks gross, but everyone elses food looked good. He was furious and sent it back because the menu never said it came in a bowl of soupy mushrooms. It was actually funny but he didn’t find it funny in the least. Eat and dip. So we head to Rhode Island and get there a few hours before we had to and check in the hotel. While we are in the lobby waiting Chauncey and I are cracking jokes. Chauncey likes to make up fake names for places to eat like “Chachki’s, Rippers, Zippers, Flingers, Nate’s, and Jims Sandwhich Emporium.” One time we were starving and driving he told Todd to look for Jims Sandwhich Emporium and Todd actually started looking it up on his phone. The joke is so great and one of my favorite stupid jokes of his that I told him we should just start making up fake venues that we are playing at on the “Gas Galaxy Tour,” which is another joke we have because the Gas Galaxy tour obviously doesn’t exist, except in our minds, and who knows if it ever will? Nevertheless the joke is that we are on the Gas Galaxy tour at the same we are on the DFM tour. So we start coming up with fake venues and we agree that addition to playing Jerky’s tonight, we will also be playing Legends, Corner Pocket, The Furnace, and The Lilly Pad. We know that there has to be venues with these names or some of them, somewhere, but it doesn’t matter. We made them up. We’re all pretty relieved to be able to check into a hotel before the show because we’ve been running around like headless chickens for a while now and this may be one of the few times where we’ve actually made it with time to spare. We get to our rooms and I take a nap until Todd wakes me to get ready to go to the venue to check sound etc. We begin unloading and B. Dolan of Strange Famous Records comes strolling up and we kick it with him. He’s opening tonight and I know him from Paid Dues shows with Sage so it’s cool that someone I actually know is playing the show with us.

We soundcheck and I have a feeling it’s going to be a lowkey night compared to last night in Boston. After soundcheck, Chauncey and Deef hang around the venue and I take a ride with Todd to drop off Cage at the hotel. We drop him off and Todd and I hit this spot down the block from the venue called Roadhouse BBQ. It was really good. We head back to the venue and there is time to kill. Sean is hanging out with Jessica as well as Deef, Chauncey, and Andy from CT. I don’t mind if I do have a couple spritzers with Chauncey before the show. Just to kill time. I had a couple spritzers too many and now it’s showtime. Walk upstairs to a lot more people than I thought and I’m actually a little concerned because I got carried away. It was the last night of tour and we were celebrating. I get up there and basically go really hard because there are no more shows and I figure I might as well kill myself. It turned out to be a surprisingly great set. We were cracking jokes and laughing with the crowd. It is big enough for a show vibe and small enough to connect with the audience. There is a bittersweet feeling amongst us as it is the last show and it seemed like a fitting atmosphere for it to end. When I made it downstairs to the backroom, Cage had a cup of tea in his hand and was obviously under the weather. He said he threw up a few times before he got there. However, if you saw his set it wouldn’t be easy to tell. I was sick on this tour for a few shows and playing a show is one of the most difficult things to do under those conditions. When I’m sick, it is written all over my face. Cage came on and actually delivered maybe the most sincere set I’ve seen on this tour and I think most people felt the same about it. We greeted the fans for one last time and I had some Blue Moons to cap off the night. This tour was one of the most fun, self fulfilling, and challenging tours I’ve been on. It put all of our abilities to the test and I think everyone met the challenge and proved themselves. I learn a lot about others and myself on the road. LIFE TOUR. This one will go down in history as a great one. Congratulations to Cage for a successful kickoff tour and I want to thank all the fans for supporting and following us on our adventure through America. You make it all possible. Tomorrow will be spent traveling home. When I get there, I will be doing a lot of laundry.

Yours,

Yak Ballz CCWM

It took us forever to get to Boston. The traffic in Connecticut was horrible. I slept for most of the ride. What’s new? Tour has been great. Every person on this tour has their respective wild sides and it can get extremely crazy when they all come out at the same time, like on the verge of having an anxiety attack for a dude like me. I can always hear Sean yelling at the top of his lungs and Cage and Chauncey cackling behind me when I’m “SLEEP.” Todd plays backseat driver with Timmy, who’s ready to rip his head off. At this stage of the tour, all of this just means everything is normal. Never really a dull moment. When we get to Harpers Ferry in Allston, MA I’m reminded of the last time Chauncey and I played the Paper Dance Party here months back. We were late because of the traffic so there wasn’t much time to soundcheck. They start bringing the alcohol but I’m starving so I sneak out the backdoor, inconspicuously walk with my head down past the line wrapped around the corner, and get two slices of Pizza from the place next door, to go. As I walk back, Todd, who was standing waiting for me, thinks it’s funny to blow up my spot to some people on line and all of a sudden the whole line is chanting Yak Ballz while I’m waiting for Todd to open the door with a box of pizza in my hand. It is funny and equally embarrassing, but all in good fun of course. Todd is smiling from ear to ear. He gets a kick out of shit like that. He lets me in, along with my dude Frank “The Butcher” Rivera of Concepts clothing in Boston.

We kicked it backstage before showtime and swapped information on the type of camera we coincidentally both have. It was a really nerdy convo about lighting, settings, and shutter speed but if you’re into that kind of stuff it’s actually awesome. Before I go on, I hear the host of the show trying to be funny, at our expense. Cage looks at me in disbelief as he is listening to what this dude is saying. It got to the point where it was so bad and offensive that Cage went down there and physically roughed the dude up on stage, threw him down, etc. Not too long after that, and a little bit more liquor in us, Chauncey and I got on and pretty much destroyed any pre-conceived notions of anyone thinking they were coming to a regular rap show. We are not them. I actually was wasted and everything was in place for Cage to bring the house down. After he got off we all celebrated the successful, packed show, backstage. An epic night.

Went to a diner in Wilmington right by the hotel in Wilmington, PA. Surprisingly I don’t feel hung over. I’m definitely worn out even though I actually slept. Last night was insane and I don’t think I can repeat my behavior tonight. I ate eggs and french toast at the diner for breakfast. We discussed auto-tune at breakfast and how it was never meant to be used and abused the way it is now in mainstream music. There is actually a real reason why auto-tune exists other than to make you sound like a robot. Cher used it years before the fad. Auto-tune automatically brings your vocal in tune if the notes are flat. It sounds robotic when it’s bringing the vocal into the correct range. When used correctly, one would never even know it was even applied to a vocal. Since we are not far from Philly, we arrive to the venue early. As we were driving we were reciting Peedi Crack lines. CC loves Peedi. We pull up to the First Unitarian Church where we are playing tonight. I step out and walk down the black to a coffee shop called Caffeination, where I use the internet, and reflect on yesterday. On the road, days in my memory become like a roll of film that I would never fully remember if I don’t hold them up to the light. These blogs are me literally doing just that, for myself, as much as they might bring others enjoyment. This coffee shop is too hot and the employees here insist on making smalltalk with me, which is fine, but I don’t feel like carrying it on past the weather. Normally I don’t even like to get that far but it’s human nature to talk about nothing of importance with strangers most of the time if you are to ever exchange words. In this case they are asking me if I am on tour and I answer “Yes” and of course the next question is “what is your band name?” You can imagine this is usually where it gets awkward. All I want to do is relax, drink my iced green tea, and use the net.

I manage to dodge their inquiries, finish up, and walk back down the block to see everyone greeting our friends and CC brothers, Wesley Eishold (of XO Skeletons/Coldcave) and Max. We all decide to walk a few blocks to Goodburger and shred some eats. Get back to the venue and hang out until showtime. This venue is a fully functioning church. It is sweltering everywhere except for our backstage room, which is some just a huge room with nothing in it but a piano and chairs. It is not comfortable really. I have a conversation with Max about NYC in the late 90’s and different places that we used to go to that don’t exist anymore like Tramps and Wetlands. That was an era in NY that I came up in and was very much a part of so it’s always a pleasure to talk about it with someone else who I didn’t know at the time but witnessed and went to the same places I did. So it’s time to go on and Todd walks me down. Chauncey is already out there setting up. When I walk on, the humidity feels like I can cut through it with a knife. I’m actually a little taken back by how many people are in this basement of a church, transformed into a venue. I’ve played here twice before and have never seen it this crowded. It has never been this hot in here either. The walls are sweating and this crowd is fired up, yelling at me. It’s great. Chauncey is cracking jokes with me and the two of us are taking this set to the limit. Timmy came up and ripped his verse and then we all left the stage. The crowd is amped and loud by the time Cage goes on. So much so that I could hear the crowd cheer for him from upstairs when he walks out. Philly loves to party and the people here appreciate live music so much. It’s how it’s always been since I first started playing here and always look forward to playing this city. It’s not far from home. After Cage’s set we went down to the merch table to do our usual meet and greet. Head back up and hung out with our friends, Hate Your Guts, and Chauncey told them tour stories and we took group pictures like it was middle school.

photo by Todd Westphal

We were supposed to be at the van by 12 but noone was ready at that time. When we finally got it together it was probably 1, and we were all hungry. It was a crazy night and when we get back in the van it’s usually the time where we recap what happened the night before. It helps to put the pieces together because my memory of what took place last night is scattered and selective. It’s actually hilarious and somewhat shocking when you find out and see pictures of yourself in the rarest of forms. Anyway, we are starving and we love Chili’s so that’s where we go to fill our deprived bellies. When we left I regretted not getting that molten chocolate cake with ice cream or whatever it’s called, but I also think I’m done with Chili’s for a while anyway just like Denny’s and Subway. Tour is winding down and we’re headed to back up to the North East where we are going to hit a few major cities like DC, Philly, and Boston, and then finish out with a secondary market, Providence, RI. We are on our way to DC. Everyone hates that I can sleep for the majority of the long drives and I wake up to banter about my sleeping habits. I don’t normally sleep as much as they say but sometimes I sleep better in the van than I do at night. As we approach DC, I wake up and look at the Washington Monument when we make it in the city and the thought of hundreds of thousands of people filling this exact location for President Obama’s inaugural speech crosses my mind. We pull up to DC9 and it starts to pour. I’ve played in DC a few times but never played here. We are informed that it is a small place and the pre-sale is already more than half so chances are it may sell out. Cage takes a while sound checking and I can hear him going back and forth with the soundman very courteously to get the sound right. I sense that there is some difficulty and he’s feeling it out. By the time Cage got off it sounded good and I told the dude to leave the same levels because it is nearing time to open doors, however, he insisted on changing everything. At this point I’m hungry and impatient so by the time I get up there and I realize how much of an asshole this guy is while I’m checking, its proving to be difficult for me to keep my cool, but I manage and get it sounding decent all things considered. Our friend Seannie Camera’s is here and doing an interview with Cage for Vimby before showtime and asks Sean and I to spill out some words for the Cage piece and we both do, all while loading up on spritzers before showtime. Cage pisses in the garbage can backstage and it was pretty funny because he didn’t feel like walking through the crowd to use the bathroom. Time for me to go on. I get up there and I can’t believe how bad it sounds. It actually sounds nothing like it did at soundcheck. Mics feeding back and music so low. I try to signal this guy and eventually I said something but he just left me hanging. I think it’s because he kept coming backstage and acting like he was running the show and we told Todd to tell him to stop coming back because he was annoying us and he spitefully fucked with the sound as a result. The crowd was so awesome though and Chauncey and I have been vibing so well together that it just feels good to play, plus the with crowd right there with us, the soundman cant take it away from us. Smash that set and went back and told Cage to make sure to get things sounding right before he goes into full swing. He did as well as he could but I still could tell the soundman didn’t do certain things that we had asked earlier. Either way, the crowd didn’t lose an ounce of energy for Cage and he tore it down. Afterward, we kept drinking. We finished all our liquor backstage and used the rest of the drink tickets up front.

photo by Shabooty

Shabooty showed up and I got him a spritzer and show the CCWM official blogman how we party. Everyone was in good spirits and inebriated by the time we got to the van. We were definitely not done partying at that point. We irrationally cracked a bottle of red wine on the ride. I don’t know what we were thinking. At one point we pulled over on the highway and all decided to pee on the side of the highway. Instead of actually taking a few steps, Todd decides to pee right outside the doors with his back to us and I went to push him and as I did I fall off the seat. Timmy grabs my foot as I dropped to the floor of the van and almost out of the door. It’s hilarious. I can’t believe I almost fell out of the van. We then stop at the Baltimore travel center. Chauncey opens the van door, swings around, and some how loses his footing and falls directly out of the van on his side and ends up on his back and his sidekick was next to him at his feet. Karma for laughing at me. It happened so fast, and it looked so crazy, we didn’t know whether to laugh or ask if he was ok. It turned out to be a combination of both and we were crying. He hurt his elbow a little but he’s fine. We pick up some snacks and get out of there. It was so seedy. We stuffed our faces with trash all the way to the hotel and checked in. I pounded water, shot the shit with Todd, took two ibuprofens to prevent the hangover, put the AC up to a FREEZE, and went to sleep.

we meet in the lobby, valet brings the van and we roll out. I’m ready to leave ATL. We hit up Denny’s and I finally get the Superbird I’ve been craving. Sick of Denny’s now, just as much as Subway. Denny’s Boycott ‘09 is official. We drive and I sleep except to wake up at truck stops and use the bathroom, maybe cop a green tea every once in a while. When we arrive in Carrboro, I don’t remember if I’ve been here before. Stop at Chipotle and grab some taco’s and head to the venue, called the Local 506. There is an Atmosphere show happening down the block at Cats Cradle tonight, which raises some concern, because two shows on the same night in such a small city most likely is going to effect turnout. We get lead to an apartment next to the venue upstairs, which is our backstage “area.” It is so gross and hot up here that it’s hard to breathe. Sweating. The bathroom is gnarly as fuck. All of a sudden the soundman comes upstairs and enters a locked door and we realize this dude lives here. It’s almost showtime so I go downstairs to the venue and it doesn’t look like anything is happening. I got a spritzer and starting playing the old school X-Men arcade game and some fans want to play against me. They get their asses kicked because I’ve been awesome at this game with Wolverine since back in the day. As I’m waiting to go on I notice my friend Slug walk in and I greet him. He stopped through to say what up along with Ant before their set down the block. I went on shortly after. I watched Cage for a few songs and walked down the block to check out their show. As soon as i walked up i realized that i have been here before, on an EL-P tour. Check out Atmosphere for a few songs walk outside and see Eyedea, say whatup and head back. Cage just finished and by now I got some nice drinks in me and I get some more from the bar while hanging around with fans. Eyedea came through and we shared some spritzers with as well. We hit the hotel and the ride back got a little crazy. Sean jumped out of the van like a frantic maniac while it was moving, to pee. We got lost looking for the hotel. Everyone is drunk and losing their minds or at least that’s how it seems to me because I’m definitely losing mine. When we find the hotel, Chauncey and I decide to crack the bottle of Jack we were looking for and take a swig or a couple two tree. Chauncey takes one and hands me the bottle. I took one, swallowed some and spit sprayed the rest out. Definitely was not ready for that. We checked in and continued drinking and acting like drunken idiots, taking pictures, and running back and forth from our rooms.

Set my alarm early to do laundry in the hotel as I have no clean clothes once again. It’s so humid and disgusting in New Orleans today. I told Todd he could sleep in my bed while I was out because I didn’t feel like walking over him and his air mattress as I go in and out of the room. When I come back, Cage is in shock and disbelief at manner in which Todd overtook the bed. He was asleep when I told Todd he could so he was surprised at the audacity he thought Todd had, which is funny in and of itself. Chris got up and we hit the continental breakfast and watch people around us as they pick and choose from the usual cereals, yogurts, bananas, waffles, etc. We overhear and older guy at the next table talking about Facebook, and we laugh because there is something strange hearing about people you would never think even know what Facebook is, talk about it to people who definitely have no idea what Facebook is. I imagine this increases popularity but I don’t fully understand what a 50 year old man is doing with Facebook. Maybe in 20+ years I will totally contradict myself. I sit in the lobby and Timmy is roaming around without a cause. He sat down across from me and he looks as if he didn’t get any sleep. I ask him what time do we have to leave and he says 10:30. He walks off and finishes using the net on my own laptop minutes later and head back to the room to see Cage blogging and Todd snoring. I asked Todd, what time do have to be at the van? He comes out of his slumber and says 11. Hmmmmm, Timmy said 10:30. I think to myself I bet everyone in the other room thinks 10:30, because that’s what Timmy told me in the lobby, and they are going to be pissed when we don’t show up until 11. I try and tell Todd that I saw Timmy and he said you told him 10:30 last night before we went to sleep. He doesn’t answer back. I leave to pick up my laundry, come back, and Cage and Todd are up now. Cage reads us his first blog and we laugh at certain things he mentions in it. When we finally get to the van. It’s definitely after 11, and Sean and Chauncey are pacing around beside themselves because they’ve been out here since 10:30. We jump in the van and drive. Everyone is acting weird this morning. We are running late already, have barely any time to eat, and are starving. We pull off an exit to a Wendy’s and grab some fast food. Wendy’s hasn’t tasted this good in a long long time. We drive more and trade stories of past experiences in Atlanta. Some interesting times and stories are seared in our minds forever, especially because Cage and I went to Atlanta many years ago with Camu to play a show. We arrive at the venue a half hour late and they push back doors so we can set up and get situated. The backstage looks like a backroom where mobsters might play poker. Like the Bada-bing in Soprano’s. It has a seedy strip club vibe. Cage walks back from soundcheck and tells me he feels like this place is set up like an underground wrestling ring as if they hold cage matches here, ironically.

Chauncey and I get busy making and drinking some refreshing spritzers, as previously mentioned and decide that our new bandname is called The Backstage Spritzers. I have a couple of these before showtime and we proceed to play to a small crowd, having a good time throughout. During Cage’s set I notice from where I’m standing on the side of the stage watching, that someone walked into our backroom and someone else followed behind them, when the door shut. I walk back and open the door of the room like what the fuck? I see a dude grinning because he knows exactly what was going through my head, and Todd is standing next to him laughing. It’s my boy Steph, aka P.O.S.. He’s in town for Warped Tour and came to the show to say what up. We hug and chop it up for a few. After the show we met some fans who drove upwards of 8 hours to see us. Hearing that alone made it worth it for us to play. We hit the Renaissance Marriott, which is really nice, and while we were checking in some crackhead looking dudes outside started getting rowdy with the valet guy. It was mildly entertaining. The best part was the lady behind the desk saying “oh boy, they’re getting aggressive out there” as she called for security. She said it a few times as things escalated and it made me laugh every time. We dropped our stuff off in the rooms and hit the Landmark diner, fend our way through more crackheads, and it’s back to the hotel.

Woke up at the La Quinta feeling like I hardly got any sleep. That’s because I didn’t. I know I’ve been on tour for a while when I actually start looking forward to eating at places I would never eat at when I’m home, like Denny’s. Last night or morning when we pulled in the hotel I noticed the Denny’s in front of the hotel and I figured we would eat there in the morning. As a matter of fact when we were in the elevator Todd asks me

you know what La Quinta means in english?

nope

“Behind Denny’s”

I laugh because there is a lot of truth in it. Wherever there is a La Quinta, there usually is a Denny’s right in front or behind it. Either way I was looking forward to that Superbird. But when I get downstairs and everyone is in the lobby I motioned for Denny’s and all I got was a banana thrown at me. Might as well have been a tomato or cabbage. Lame. Guess not. So we drive and we’re tired and progressively getting more and more hungry. By the time we get there Timmy will end up driving longer than he slept last night. We pull off because everyone starts getting crazy, especially Sean. Try taking 6 hungry dudes and posing these options; Jack In The Box, Cracker Barrel, Wafflehouse, and Cheddars. After much deliberation and arguing, we decide on Cracker Barrel even though there is a 25 minute wait. We sit down and I order, along with Chauncey and Todd, the greasiest meal; fried chicken and mashed potatoes with mystery gravy. I feel gross. We all leave in better spirits at least and jump in for our never ending ride to New Orleans. As we are driving to New Orleans we all start to get this weird feeling. Hurricane Katrina hit this place so hard that even if you’ve never been here before, you can almost tell that something happened. We pass a body of water with the top of trees sticking out over the surface. It was so strange and creepy. And you can see the water line on this elevated road we are driving on, almost reaches the top. Sean tells us about some cool people he’s met that live in the bayous out here. Some real uber remote swamplife shit. And Chauncey starts telling us about these huge nutria rats that live out here, which are such a problem that supposedly you can get money for shooting them and bringing the bodies in. We start talking about rappers from here like Lil Wayne, Master P, BG, Juvenile, Manny Fresh, and Young Turk. It was pretty entertaining. And then we started reciting lines from Mobb Deeps Godfather Part 3, because there were several rainstorms and lightening on the way in, and the third of which we dubbed the G.O.D. father part 3. So we finally get into the French Quarters and if you’ve never been here and you have been to New York, the downtown area of New Orleans is a very VERY low scale version of Times Square with a lot less people aimlessly walking around with camera’s and funny hats. But either way it seems like the area has come a long way since I was here 2 years ago. It was completely dead then. They actually treated us really well in the House of Blues. The food was great, hospitality, and drinks. The show was a thin crowd. It was intimate but the one redeeming quality thing about it, is that when you come to a place that doesn’t get much of anything in terms of live shows that kids can get into, the people have an appreciation that is unparalleled. Tonight was a fun night. Chauncey made drinks backstage for each man. He calls them “backstage spritzers.” These time’s are the happiest of the tour; drinking and laughing about dumb shit like Tim and Eric’s Tordo’s Flavor Dust. LUST THE DUST!.

Pull up to Haileys in Denton, TX and I get déjà vu. I can’t believe I’m back here. It seems like such an unlikely place to find myself in for a second time. From the outside Hailey’s looks abandoned. We wait around for someone to let us in the structure that looks like it’s barely standing up. We’re just milling around because the soundman is late and there is really nothing for us to do. We are hungry so we jump back in the van and look for something to eat. Chauncey notices something and it looks like we can get some cold brews there so we go. It’s called Roosters. Chauncey says he spotted a “bohemian area where dudes had tank tops on and he knew that we’d be able to get some beers in that vicinity.” We get brisket and beers, establishing a nice buzz before the show. There is no backstage so we’re basically just hanging around and talking with everyone.

I go on and the crowd is just staring at me. When I finish each song there is a delayed reaction but they cheer way louder than I expected for such a quiet crowd. And this happened a bunch of times. I figured everyone was just high. Denton is not too far away from Dallas so most people were surprised that we would play here instead of a bigger city that isn’t that far away. Nonetheless, it’s actually a fun show and we have a good time kicking it and chatting with everyone. We take it to a seedy Days Inn and I put the AC on a moderately cool setting and go to sleep.